MIRAI CODE · Hold Your Past Self
To You Who Dwells on Old Failures and Sinks
The you of the past was never someone to blame — but someone to hold.
Mirai — a Future Decoder who reads the sounds of your name
In an unguarded moment, that old failure comes flooding back, and you want to disappear. At night, under the covers, you are still blaming yourself for something years gone by. Does that happen to you?
In my readings, I meet so many people who are still, even now, holding a private trial within themselves — over a thing long, long past.
I, too, for the longest time, kept blaming myself for a certain choice in my past.
Everyone around me tried to stop me. "You really shouldn't," again, and again. And still, I pushed ahead — and paid a heavy price for it.
"Why didn't I listen, back then?" At night, under the covers, over and over, I put myself on trial.
But — much, much later, I saw it. Beneath that defenseless charging-ahead, there was this: "the truth is, I wanted to be cherished by someone." The soft, honest feeling I had kept a lid on all that time, trying so hard to be strong.
Had that painful detour never happened, I might have gone my whole life without ever noticing that wish.
— The me of the past was not someone to blame. "You were really lonely, weren't you." "You did so well." She was someone to gather up, and hold, close.
Back then, you were doing your very utmost
I want you to remember this: the you of the past was doing the best you could, with all the strength you had at the time.
That the you of now can say "that wasn't good" is only because you have grown, by exactly that much. To judge what you didn't yet know, what you couldn't yet do, through the eyes of now — that may be a little cruel.
The past is there not to be judged, but to be thanked
The past exists not for handing down a verdict, but for saying: "You've come so far. Well done."
Because that failure happened, you have the gentleness you carry now. Because of that detour, there are things you came to see. Not one scrap of your past was wasted.
The sounds of your name keep telling your core, unchanged
The sounds of your name have been telling the truth of who you are, unchanged, since the day you were born.
Whatever your past, however many times you've stumbled, your core has not been damaged in the least. It is there inside you still, just as it was the day you came into the world.
What I am really doing, in every reading
So to those held captive by their past, I hand it back — that past and all — gently affirmed. The sounds of a name show that even the pain is, truly, a part of you.
"The you of that time was doing your very best." At that one sentence, so many people feel the long-clenched hand that blames the self loosen, all at once.
In the end
To the you of the past, try — softly — saying this:
"Back then, that was your very best. You've lived so well, all the way to here."
Loosen the hand that blames the past, and the you of now grows lighter. You have tried more than enough.